Monday, December 22, 2008

Archbishop a "Commie B*****d"

THE STONE HALLS and precincts of Canterbury and Rochester Cathedrals are echoing to hushed, urgent gossip this evening, as it was revealed that an aide to the Bishop of Rochester may have called the Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams, a 'Commie B*****d'.

The revelation comes in the wake of the dismissal of one of Archbishop Williams' own staff who wrote"arsehole Bishop of Rochester" in a list of names on a document that was sent 43 Bishops and Gordon Brown.

This latest spat between the Priests of Kent and the Kentish Priests may have been sparked by a recent rant accusing capitalism, Gordon Brown and society generally of being driven by greed and reckless speculation. In particular his suggestions that the UK should "actually making stuff" and not "carrying on getting into insane amounts of personal and national debt" were scoffed at by senior political and industrial figures:

"What? Actually make things? Things that work? Are you crazy? This isn't some backward socialist state like Germany, you know," said Sir Clive St.John-Smythe, Fiscal Stimulus Strategy Manager at HSBC and Chair of the Tunbridge Wells Chapter of the Rotary Masons.

"Everyone knows that the UK economy works by everyone buying and selling money that they don't have. It's very easy you know. Especially with computers, I understand. You don't even have to faff about with notes and coins, you just add a few noughts on to everything. Works every time. Nobody notices, unless you're an amateur like Bernard Madoff."